Relationships and sex

Falling in love, breaking up with someone, living the single life or becoming confident in your sexuality can all be very difficult if you're coping with depression and low mood at the same time. 

Depression can affect your self-esteem and sex drive and it can also make you moody and irritable which can have an effect on your relationship. If you're single, feeling low can make you feel more isolated and alone.

We asked visitors to this site about their relationships and their mood and here's what they said: 

  1. Almost a third said that they feel angry and irritable with their partner when they feel low
  2. 18% said they feel low because they don't have a partner 
  3. 16% said that their partner doesn't understand them
  4. Happily about a quarter said that their partner is helpful and supportive

This page looks at some of these issues....and more.

This page deals with problems but it's important to recognise that relationships aren't always a headache. Having a partner can be a great support and many people find that being in a relationship helps them.

Other people get a lot out of being young and single, there's plenty of time to settle down.

Feeling angry and irritable with your partner

Everyone feels angry or irritated with their partner now and again and all couples fight. It's normal and natural. But increased anger and irritability can by symptoms of depression and this can cause problems in relationships.

If you have a problem with anger, it can feel like it's uncontrollable but your anger can improve. We've listed websites with more help on anger on the right of the page.

Not being understood by your partner

Some people just don't understand depression. It can be very hard for you if the person you're going out with or living with doesn't understand. When you're feeling crap already, this can make you feel worse. Here's some tips to help you cope with it:

  1. Educate them. Ask them to read the friends and family section of this website.
  2. See if they will go to relationship counselling to discuss the problem. Relationships Scotland offer counselling throughout the country. If your partner won't go with you, you can always go alone to discuss your relationship. 
  3. Accept that they won't give you the understanding you need in this area and seek support elsewhere — other family members, friends, tutors at school or college, medical staff and counsellors may all be good sources of support.

Sex

If you are depressed and have lost interest in sex, you are not alone. This happens to two out of three people with depression.

Common problems include:

  1. A general loss of interest in sex
  2. Not being able to get sexually aroused 
  3. Lowered sexual performance 
  4. Not being able to gain pleasure 
  5. Lack of energy 
  6. Not being able to get or keep an erection 
  7. Premature ejaculation 
  8. Not being able to ejaculate or reach orgasm

Treatment may help the problem, but some antidepressants can make sexual problems worse. For more information about coping with sexual problems download this factsheet:

Depression and your sex life

If you're single, depression can affect your confidence and make you want to stay in where it feels safe rather than go out and meet someone or enjoy the freedom that being single brings.

Isolation can be a real problem, often it's caused by depression or social anxiety.  It's difficult being single if you're lonely or all your friends are coupled up but having a relationship isn't necessarily going to make everything better. Concentrate on getting help for depression and building your self-esteem if it is low.

It's not always easy but, if you stay in a lot and hide away because you feel bad, try and be sociable as much as you can. The longer you don't go out the harder it gets. Be realistic, you may not be able to host a wild party at first but perhaps start off by meeting a pal for coffee or going along to an evening class or group. Build up to that party!

Read our page on friends for more tips about speaking to your friends.

Your young adult years are when you're learning about your sexuality. There's evidence to suggest that people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transexual (LGBT) have higher rates of depression, self-harm, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or substance abuse.

This may be because of the prejudice and discrimination that many LGBT people face which may lead you to feel ashamed of who you are are and prevent you reaching out for support. The places listed on the right will be able to help you and this factsheet lists other places you can go to for support:

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender - Me and my mental health

Further help

Find out more and get further help

  1. Relationships Scotland  - Relationship counselling and family support and mediation
  2. Moodjuice -Information on relationships, depression and anxiety from NHS Forth Valley 
  3. Young Scot - advice and help on all sorts of relationships 
  4. LGBT Youth Scotland - Support for young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people
  5. The Site - everything you want to know about sex (and relationships).... 
  6. Cool Down - Anger and how to deal with it from the Mental Health Foundation 
  7. Anxiety UK - Information about different types of anxiety including social anxiety