Friends

Depression can often feel like a very lonely illness especially if it seems to you like many other young people are living carefree, fun lives. 

This is one of the reasons why it is important that you receive support from a friend or group of mates when you have depression.

It can really make a big difference to know that a caring, understanding friend is there when you need them.

Written by Kathleen Oliver

You may feel that depression prevents you from making friends in the first place, or from keeping friends but this usually isn't the case. Those people who are worthy of your friendship will stick by you.

Depression makes it a lot more difficult to make new friends. This is not your fault, so don’t pressure yourself to socialise if you really don’t want to.

Nevertheless, although getting ‘out there’ and meeting people is daunting it can also be life-changing. 

Knowing a good mate is at the end of the phone can help lift a low mood so try not to isolate yourself from those who care even if you feel that you are not ‘yourself.’

It is common to feel that your family and friends do not understand you. Unfortunately, a lack of understanding of depression is common but this does not mean that you can’t be close to family and friends. Just knowing they are there if you need them can be comforting.

If you trust a friend enough you may want to try to explain to them how you experience depression. You may even find it helpful to ask them to find out a bit more about depression in order to help them understand.  They could read the friends and family section of this website.

Their reaction may depend on factors like their age and personality, but a good friend will try to be as supportive as they can. It is not really necessary for them to ‘understand.’ Simply listening to you can make a world of difference.

Being honest about your feelings can be beneficial. For example, a friend may have previously distanced themselves from you because they do not know you are going through a bad period in your life.

For example, they may have thought that your lack of contact meant you no longer want to be friends.  Being honest about your feelings may resolve the situation.

You may worry that if you tell your friend/s about your depression they may react negatively or with a lack of empathy.

Often friends may recognise some of your feelings, which can be really helpful, but if they do not and are unsupportive try not to let this upset you.

They may not realise that they are being insensitive and their reaction can usually be explained by their lack of understanding of the illness. It is up to you whether you want to continue your friendship with this person.

However, it is important that you are comfortable speaking openly to a friend. If you are not and perhaps feel uneasy talking about depression to a new friend you don’t need to.

You must put your feelings first and consider that perhaps once the friendship has grown you may feel comfortable talking about more personal issues.

Sadly, the stigma associated with mental illnesses like depression can often stop those affected confiding in any of their friends and having to pretend to be OK when they are in their company.

It can be very hard to try to explain your illness to friends, even ones who you may have known for many years but don’t be ashamed of depression.

It does not mean that you are weak but it can sometimes make you feel vulnerable which in turn leads to you putting on an ‘act’ in front of your mates. For example, you may be out in the evening with friends who seem to be having a good time and you may feel really down.  Being in the company of seemingly happy people may make you feel even more alone.

Feeling isolated is common in those who have depression. Fortunately, as the statistics show; you are not alone. If you don’t feel that you can relate to friends or family sometimes, there are many other people who do understand.  Come and chat to others in our community section.