If you think that someone you know may be depressed and needs help, give the person appropriate opportunities to talk. Talking about depression makes things better, not worse. It can be helpful to let the person choose the moment to open up.
On this page you'll find some suggestions about how to talk to someone with depression. These tips are taken from the Depression First Aid Guidelines written at the University of Melbourne.
Each person’s situation and needs are unique. It is important to respect your friend or relation’s right to make their own choices. Equally, you should respect the person’s privacy and confidentiality unless you are concerned that the person is at risk of harming themselves or others.
Do not blame the person for their illness
Depression is a medical illness and the person cannot help being affected by depression. It is important to remind the person that they have an illness and that they are not to blame for feeling “down.”
Have realistic expectations for the person
Accept the person as they are and have realistic expectations for them. Let them know that they are not weak or a failure because they have depression, and that you don’t think less of them as a person.
They may be overwhelmed by activities like:
- cleaning the house
- paying bills
- feeding the dog
Acknowledge that they are not “faking”, “lazy”, “weak” or “selfish. Offer help but be careful not to take over. Don’t let them become dependent on you to do everything.
It is more important for you to be genuinely caring than for you to say all the “right things".
- Be empathetic, compassionate and patient. Your friend or relation genuinely needs additional love and understanding to help them through their illness.
- Be gently understanding if they are overwhelmed by irrational fears
- Be patient, persistent and encouraging
- Offer the person kindness and attention, even if it is not reciprocated. Let the person know that they will not be abandoned.
- Be consistent and predictable in your interactions with the person
Don’t be afraid to encourage the person to talk about their feelings, symptoms and what is going on in their mind. Let the person know that you are available to talk when they are ready; do not put pressure on the person to talk right away.
You can help someone with depression by listening to them without expressing judgement. Be an active listener; repeat back what the person has said to you before responding with your own thoughts.
It is important to listen carefully to the person even if what they tell you is obviously not true or is misguided. Although the person may not be communicating well, and may be speaking slower and less clearly than usual, let them talk without interruption.
If the person is repetitive, try not to get impatient, but rather keep trying to be as supportive as possible.
Encourage the person to believe that, with time and treatment, they will feel better. Offer emotional support and hope of a more positive future in whatever form the person will accept.
(Taken from the Depression First Aid Guidelines and reproduced with permission)
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