Helping someone who is suicidal

On this page you can find information about how to help someone who may be suicidal.  Suicide is a scary subject for a lot of people, but by talking about it, you may be able to help someone who feels that there is no other way out.

Information on this page is adapted from the Mental Health First Aid Guideline for Suicide with permission. 

If you suspect someone may be at risk of suicide; ask them directly about suicidal thoughts. Do not avoid using the word ‘suicide’. It’s important to ask the question without dread, and without expressing a negative judgement. The question must be direct and to the point. For example, you could ask:

  1. “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” or
  2. “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

If you appear confident in the face of the suicide crisis, this can be reassuring for the suicidal person.

  1. Encourage them to do most of the talking if they are able to.
  2. Suicidal thoughts are often a plea for help or a desperate attempt to escape from problems and distressing feelings
  3. Give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings and their reasons for wanting to die. They may feel great relief at being able to do this.
  4. Talk about some of the specific problems they are experiencing. Discuss ways to cope but don’t attempt to ‘solve’ the problems.

It is important to:

  1. Tell the suicidal person that you care and that you want to help them.
  2. Express empathy for the person and what they are going through.
  3. Clearly state that thoughts of suicide are often associated with a treatable mental disorder like depression, as this may instil a sense of hope for the person.
  4. Tell the person that thoughts of suicide are common and do not have to be acted on.

Myth: Talking about suicide can put the idea in the person’s mind
Fact: This is not true.  Talking about suicide can allow the person to express how they are feeling.

Myth: Someone who talks about suicide isn’t really serious.
Fact: Remember that talking about suicide may be a way for the person to indicate just how badly they are feeling.

  1. Don’t leave an actively suicidal person on their own. If you can’t stay with them, you need to arrange for someone else to do so.
  2. Give the person a safety contact which is available at all times (such as a telephone helpline, a friend or family member who has agreed to help, or a professional help giver)
  3. Help the suicidal person to think about people or things that have supported them in the past and find out if these supports are still available. These might include a doctor, psychologist or other mental health worker, family member or friend, or a community group such as a club or church.
  4. Do not use guilt and threats to prevent suicide. For example, do not tell the person they will go to hell if they die by suicide, or that they will ruin people’s lives by killing themselves.

During the crisis

  1. If the suicidal person has a weapon or is behaving aggressively towards you, you must seek assistance from the police in order to protect yourself. 
  2. Otherwise, it may be that the person does not want a professional involved.  If you are close to them you may not wish to alienate them by contacting one. 

After the crisis has passed

After the suicide crisis has passed, ensure the person gets whatever psychological and medical help they need.  See the Getting Help section for more information.

You should never agree to keep a plan for suicide a secret. However, you should respect the person’s right to privacy and involve them in decisions regarding who else knows about their suicidal intentions.

Do your best for the person you are trying to help.
Remember, though, that despite our best efforts, some people will still die by suicide.

 

Signs that someone is feeling suicidal

  1. Threatening to hurt or kill themselves
  2. Looking for ways to kill themselves: seeking access to pills, weapons, or other means
  3. Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide
  4. Hopelessness
  5. Rage, anger, seeking revenge
  6. Acting recklessly or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking
  7. Feeling trapped, like there’s no way out
  8. Increasing alcohol or drug use
  9. Withdrawing from friends, family or society
  10. Anxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all the time
  11. Dramatic changes in mood
  12. No reason for living, no sense of purpose in life